• i have to admit lums is growing on me...... slowly.

• last time i talked to him: a few hours ago on msn. who initiated it? ME! dammit!

• last time i talked to K: err goodthing i cant remember and hes moved on. seriously moved on. this time when he talked about her he said he'd told her he loved her. (i'm surprised by how im not affected this much)
  

• LATEST CRUSH: (ahem, this is important!) TALL (YAY), curly hair, thin and aviator sunglasses, loafers, black jeans and a white button down. Talks eloquently in a no fake accent yes-i-went-to-oxford-but-dil-hai-pakistani-wayyyyy! and this time he's NOT a teacher ; )

Stuff to get done:

-STUDY FOR GRE. Get it down by Feb!
-Get on Prof cases for glowing recommendations!
-LOOSE weight before dream vacation so i look all tanned and gorgeous
in the pictures which i will display on facebook in typical show-offish manner!

What my schedule is like:

-Sleep, wake up, dress up, class, come back, watch tv shows until numb,
random talk with past bfs and random people and fall asleep

What it should be:

-Wake up, study, exercise, study, classes (NOT SIT LIKE AN AMOEBA IN CLASS!), nap, study, sleep - repeat cycle

pyar howa hai, iqrar howa hai...

pyar se phir kyun derta hai dil? tralalatratralala

Letter 1:

Hi,

I am not aware of your feelings because you, your highness, have not deigned to inform me of your intentions but I do feel there is chemistry both of us cannot ignore.

The good thing is and excuse me for knowing you the way I do (or presuming to know you the way I do) but I believe given the right set of circumstances we will fall in maddeningly in love.

'Given the right set' being the words in question. That's the thing, love, you and I believe in perfection. We are willing to hang onto the notion and maybe sometime in the distinct future it will come true. That's the thing.

I still want to believe in magic.

Love, MB.

Letter 2:

K,

You know what the hardest thing about all of this is? It still rankles that even though I know you're not the one for me you didn't think so either...

: )

I still think about you. I try not to but you catch up with me. Like the other day Bee and I were hanging out with the Shamsi brothers and they mentioned a song and I turned to Bee, 'Hahaha K loves that song!' and Bee said,'I know!' and we laughed like mad much to the confusion of others.

Its a very cheap song. : )

-MB

I'm all about making lists : )

I cannot stop smiling. There's an odd release of letting go. The I-am-not-going-to-think-about-it. What will be, will be. In the meantime, It's my time. :D

MAN I LOVE THIS BLOG. IT IS SO FUCKING THERAPEUTIC.

This is my list for the next three months: (Thats Oct, Nov... Fuck it, you're like knowledgeable you know what I mean)

1. Buy a spanking new car. Paint it orange - OFCOURSE :D
2. Learn to drive far and wide
3. Lose 20 pounds
4. Get an awesome haircut

Today is the 20th of Sep 2008.

It is the start of the ten day trial period. I will not call anyone meaninglessly anymore.

Not all year.

P.s: Kanye West is a douchebag

I pledge

Wait you wanted to hear the details did you not ? Like which one of them did motibilli lose her virginity to? or if her hymen is still intact? :-D

LOL

Not today, lovelies, today I pledge to stop moping. This blog was created as a diary to help me get back on track.

Other than to stop moping and focusing on boys

Here I must quote Ms Blair Waldorf:

"Anne Boleyn thought only with her heart and she got her head chopped off. So her daughter Elizabeth made a vow never to marry a man. She married a country. Forget boys. Keep your eye on the prize..."

and besides that laying off-serious-dating-rule as in dancing with a cute boy at a wedding = okay, late night calls = no

okay, billi, focus

presenting THE LIST!

1. NO thinking about what could have been.


2. No copious amounts of caffeine.


3. Drink more water, drink more milk


4. Work out : three times a week at least


5. Go on a shopping spree upon losing 5kgs


6. Study hard


7. Party harder


8. Spend more time with the girls


9. Get involved in some charity work again


10. Do extra curricular work


11. Publish a research paper/ Kick ass in some HUGH project


12. Look hot as all hell in the process

ALL this by the end of the year, Insha-Allah. I will revisit and chronicle the details to my mundane life - wait - brand new attitude: I AM NOT MUNDANE.

: )

The boy and the man

Woke up luxuriously on a sunday and made pancakes - YUMMY with the most devinely perfect cup of coffee and a deelish chocolate crossiant

I feel more focused then I have in a long long time. My decision not to go on meds the psycho doctor prescribed because I don't want to be drug dependant to feel better.

Right, back to the boy and the man.

The boy is the ex. There's nothing more I can say even if I think about him on and off he's history. We dated for almost a year and half, he said he loved me a few more months before he asked me out.

And all along that there was the man. We don't talk all the time but we're never out of touch too long. We met a few years back and clicked. There was the intial attraction but he was hung up on his ex and I was not ready to date anyone...

FUCK, work calls. I am trying to be a good girl and put work ahead of life's little dilemas.
Hence, adieu :)

Of loves conquered and lost

Sit down, children, I've just had my sehri and now I must tell you a story because if I dont I fear I may start bawling my eyes out.

In order to avoid that lets have a laugh at my love life okay?

Guess what I just did? Yelled at my ex, the great love of my life, the one that got away- as per Jammie's blog - because he asked me for girlfriend advice : S

JESUS CHRIST

I realize we're over and yes maybe we can still be friends but that maybe comes when a year's passed at least or I've found someone too!

I listened AS CALMLY as I could until I couldn't and told him to seek advice elsewhere.

I'm done attempting to be friends with him even if we were good friends first, somehow, that void feels over.

Or that his void was filled.

If I'm honest, the overwhelming overflowing loving feeling will always be his. or related to when I loved him and when I mourn us I mourn for that feeling more than anything else.

Right back to the void being filled, not filled filled but there's this wonderful specimen of a human being, this brave delighful man who makes me forget and yearn again for love - and perhaps even a soaring over the hills passionate love.

But for you to understand, dear readers, I must go back to the begining - to a girl who had not yet learned the art of wielding a flat iron and knew very little of loss and nothing of clinical depression, who trusted openly and loved neruda and art and thought diversity divine....

(stay tuned, folks)

I think I should have loved you presently,
And given in earnest words I flung in jest;
And lifted honest eyes for you to see,
And caught your hand against my cheek and breast;
And all my pretty follies flung aside
That won you to me, and beneath your gaze,
Naked of reticence and shorn of pride,
Spread like a chart my little wicked ways.
I, that had been to you, had you remained,
But one more waking from a recurrent dream,
Cherish no less the certain stakes I gained,
And walk your memory's halls, austere, supreme,
A ghost in marble of a girl you knew
Who would have loved you in a day or two.

-Edna St. Vincent Millay